This morning, I turned my alarm off and fell back asleep - waking up abruptly at the time we were supposed to be leaving for church. As I jumped up, I remembered we were out of milk. I told Darrell I was going to get ready lightning fast and asked if he would run to the store while I showered and the boys got dressed - and he could shower while they were eating - totally ignoring the temptation to be irritated that he was awake and didn't wake us. He asked where we were going. Seriously?! I told him that was my question and I had quit asking - again, resisting the temptation to be irritated. That might not make sense - but the point is that with everything considered, it was miraculous that I did not go off on him. Previous accusations were totally voided by silence - not by my might - but by God's Spirit! The peace from last night was still with me.
My favorite part of church is worship. We got there just in time to be seated - totally missing worship. I was so thankful to be there though and the sermon was great. Sowing and reaping was the topic - a message on the heart. Last week I read about sowing and reaping and this was from a totally different perspective. It is nice to see things from different points of view to gain more understanding. Two people asked me how I was and I was honest with both of them - and not negatively.
After lunch, with some plans having apparently fallen through, I took the opportunity to read some of Joel Osteen's 'Your Best Life Now' and with the content of the chapter, thought about having been encouraged to teach my children how to deal with disappointment by allowing them get their hopes up and then be disappointed about things. I never did agree with that (and didn't do it) and now I understand why. It doesn't line up at all with the lifestyle that I've come to love - knowing that I am deeply loved, truly blessed, and highly favored. Why on earth would I allow my children to be disappointed if there was a way to avoid it? There are plenty of times that it can not be avoided - what sense does it make to add to them?! Later on, I got a call about the plans and took it in stride easily. Disappointment was not even a temptation. There is a reason for everything. I prayed that all would go well with God's plan for ministry - and fully believe it did.
The boys were invited to their friend's birthday party at Main Event. There was a meeting I wanted to attend at the same time, so I dropped Darrell and the boys off and went to the meeting a little late. There was one seat empty in the circle and I filled it when I arrived. The group was in the process of introductions and the circle ended at my chair - right after I sat down. How perfect - and I didn't feel uncomfortable - which is big for me. When it was time to practice for coming up prophetic ministry at a conference, I felt right at home and had so much fun. Today, it felt so much better and more comfortable to minister than to be ministered to - although both were nice. Leaving the meeting and arriving back at Main Event, I walked in much more confidently than I normally do into a crowded environment. I didn't feel out of place even walking into a room with the party already in session. I kept smiling at people - even strangers - which I do try to do that but, it was noticeably more than usual today. Before we left, we were given 4 unlimited bowling passes that had been given to our friend paying for the party. All we had to do was pay for shoes. Well, there were 5 of us and we really didn't have the extra money to spend - so I suggested we give them away to somebody else. Two young people passed by us as we were leaving and took two of them, even though they seemed a little leary. After standing outside for a few minutes with nobody in sight except for a couple who we couldn't tell if they were coming or going - I decided to approach them. They were actually coming - had a newborn baby that they were preparing to bring in - were there to bowl and were very openly thankful for the passes. What a blessing it was to give them away. I drove home so blessed to be a blessing. I was hoping it wouldn't offend our friends that we gave the passes to somebody else - but remembered being told that the boys' friend was going to donate 2 of his presents to a charity - by his choice. It all goes along with the heart issue of sowing. Wow God.
Earlier, (haha...I'm not even changing this flow) I got to thinking as the pastor was asking what we had been sowing... Lately it has been such a struggle for me to stay positive. Everything I've learned and taught, and even practiced; I've had to put into practice all over again in different circumstances and it has not been easy. Thank God His sufficient grace! I feel so much different - last Sunday, joy...last night, peace...today, confidence. Clarity is coming and confusion is going. The majority of seeds I've been sowing for years have been good ones. I took the opportunity this morning to repent for bad seeds sown and asked God to remove bad harvest. I believe He did.
Today, as I came face to face with evil - it was so overtly evident that the enemy was rubbing a devastating situation in my face and all I could do was smile - knowing that it wasn't me doing the smiling, it was Jesus in me and through me.
Christ in me is my hope of glory.
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