Mystery

To protect the anonymity of others involved, this post is vague as to characters except for my household. No offense intended. I am also not including many of my personal feelings - only what I have learned and commit to do going forward. 

A few evenings ago, I received a phone call, summoning me to appear in person that night - no matter how late - with my husband - without the boys - with no further explanation other than 'I need to talk to you in person and it can not wait'. There was no hint given as to what the matter was. Needless to say, I was very frustrated - as I was trying to prepare for teaching the next day and I had a LOT left to do, it was trash night, the litter box needed to be cleaned out, Darrell was working late, and I didn't really want to leave the kids at home alone. AHHH!!!!!

When Darrell came in, I called back and asked if we could come on a different day - still flustered about how I was supposed to get everything done that I needed to do. I had point blank asked if somebody was dying. The answer was a firm 'NO'. So, what was it that could not wait?! Why couldn't I bring the boys? Why did it require both me and Darrell to appear in person? What on earth was going on? I was seriously agitated. I gathered the boys to give them some instructions and to pray with them before we left. On the way to our destination, I prayed over myself - something like this: "Lord, forgive me for my attitude, I know it stinks! Let Your love flow through me. Give me words to say and guard my tongue from saying anything rude."

When we arrived, I thought (but didn't say) 'it is like a funeral in here'. Little did I know... We walked down the hall and once inside a different place, I was told that someone had committed suicide. All of a sudden, it all made sense. All of the mysterious pieces fit together. The person telling me needed my presence there. I listened, held, hugged, said 'I'm sorry', and prayed. When 'I don't understand why' came out, I offered the explanation that was so clear to me. The person felt unworthy and unloved and they were tired. 

We had seen this person recently at a gathering. They sort of mingled...but pretty much stayed in the background. I smiled, greeted, and hugged them...and walked away with a thought that they didn't seem happy. There was no twinkle in their eye. That's all though - it stopped at a thought. I never would have guessed the level of despair that was there. It makes me sad to realize it now. This was a life - a relation - precious, important, and loved. Did they realize that? Was it enough? 

Why is it so clear now...when it is too late? My silent questions were along the lines of: What if I would have realized? Could I have said anything or done something to make a difference? Would I have been bold enough to say it or do it? Would they have listened or responded? Being around people who loved them was not enough. A smile and a hug were not enough. There was only one thing that could have changed it all. The everlasting, unfailing, love of God in Christ - the pure, unadulterated truth - the Word of God - Jesus. Saved by grace, through faith - to know it was true that His crimson blood washed them white as snow - and that nothing could separate them from the love of Christ and that there was NO condemnation in Christ. Christ did not come to condemn; but to save. Condemnation kills. Jesus came to give life.

Did they know that? There were many things that I could not understand until I finally received revelation of God's love for me personally - for who I was and right where I was - not for anything I had done or not done. That God loved each and every one of us so much that He sent His only begotten Son, Jesus to die on a cross to save us is hope. If our hope is in anything but Jesus, this life will prove to be too much to bear.

With no guilt or shame; only a clear knowing in my spirit - I made a commitment to pay attention and follow through with telling people who look unhappy, empty, hollow, or just plain tired; how much God loves them and what Jesus has done for them; and how important, special, and loved they are.

I chose the New King James Version since this passage was subtitled, "Appreciation of the Mystery". This post started out with a very frustrating mystery for me and ends with an awesome one for everybody. Glory to God. I do so appreciate the amazing mystery of the LOVE of CHRIST.

Appreciation of the Mystery

For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height—to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:14-21